i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love having hate sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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