Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
