How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
