I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
