Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
