I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
