Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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