dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
