Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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