It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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