i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
this hospital has no fireball
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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