Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I AM VODKA MAN
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
