Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
