He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
