I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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