She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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