so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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