I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
