Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
