1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
