That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Michael Bay diarrhea
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
