go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
