I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
