drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
