My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
