Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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