That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
