remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
