Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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