There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
