last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
