I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.