I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?