I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
