Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends