Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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  (352): So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated. http://tfl.nu/ef34
  Replies (12) Good night (3101) Bad night (635)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm starting a business if you want to get involved

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  oh boy

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings

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  (781): I'm starting a business if you want to get involved (1-781): oh boy (781): Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings http://tfl.nu/e1eb
  Replies (21) Good night (3081) Bad night (567)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I hope im prettier

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying

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  (828): I hope im prettier (1-828): yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying http://tfl.nu/h2yr
  Replies (37) Good night (850) Bad night (3462)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.

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  (207): I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy. http://tfl.nu/9ve4
  Replies (19) Good night (670) Bad night (3785)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Did you just see the Batmobile???

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  (248): Did you just see the Batmobile??? http://tfl.nu/vqtz
  Replies (24) Good night (5748) Bad night (597)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.

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  (302): He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before. http://tfl.nu/latf
  Replies (13) Good night (978) Bad night (4288)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.

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  (404): Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/akrg
  Replies (16) Good night (5856) Bad night (1181)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.

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  (602): I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex. http://tfl.nu/gy7w
  Replies (13) Good night (3602) Bad night (1197)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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  (978): Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die... http://tfl.nu/7pmw
  Replies (10) Good night (3176) Bad night (1178)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.

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  (+44): On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling. http://tfl.nu/fq4v
  Replies (0) Good night (907) Bad night (1184)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there

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  (732): he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there http://tfl.nu/19cw
  Replies (3) Good night (305) Bad night (778)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?

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  (815): is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal? http://tfl.nu/lpf5
  Replies (14) Good night (747) Bad night (489)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.

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  (405): I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot. http://tfl.nu/dd00
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (294)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.

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  (403): Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me. http://tfl.nu/p2to
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (483)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings

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  (208): Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings http://tfl.nu/oj8r
  Replies (0) Good night (280) Bad night (447)

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