the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was born a porn star she said
well you can't waste a boner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!