There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
did i just pee glitter