We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.