she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.