Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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