your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
