We won't sleep together?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
