My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
false alarm, still single
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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