Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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