Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
