meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
