I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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