i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
