We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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