Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
another moral hangover. fuck.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
