I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
