Got a toothbrush?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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