If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
