So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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