Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
