Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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