Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
