so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
