i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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