also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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