i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
