I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think i have two assholes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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