thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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