ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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