I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
