I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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