So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
