Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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