Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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