I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
