i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
