Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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