I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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