i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
