she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
