Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
