Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
