Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
