in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
