i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize