4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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