i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
