yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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