WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
