I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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