I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
