I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How's work?
Spinning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
