I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sober January is a disaster.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
