why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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